Thursday, April 4, 2013

The Pill


It's been a while since I last visited the AP section in PEx. I was browsing the new threads when I bumped into this: http://www.pinoyexchange.com/forums/showthread.php?t=614008. I became intrigued by the thread title. "Iinom ka ba ng isang gamot para di ka na maging isang bakla?" (Would you take a pill to be a straight guy?).I was surprised to see that other readers got offended by the topic. And I was surprised even more when I realized that I'm not offended at all. Actually, I thought the topic would be full of fun. Reading it made me realize that it acted as an eye opener for me.

I'm a self-proclaimed pessimist when it comes to my future. I always think of what will my life be several years from now. Will I be rich, will I have a very successful career, will I have someone who loves me and I also love beside me and will my family stick with me through these blessings. I often have a long night thinking about these things. Thinking while talking to Him. Making Him listen to all my questions, to all my worries. I sometimes end up crying because of worrying about it.

Opinions of people about me are one of the things I value a lot. Especially opinions from the people I greatly love. I don't know if it's a good thing because it's a contrary to the cliche that you can do whatever you like, as long as you're not hurting anyone, don't think of the opinions of other people around you. But I believe it's helping to me think before I act and I think that's a very good guide in life because you may end up hurting the people you love when you're not thinking rationally before doing a stupid thing.

To answer the thread title, I'd say no, I'll not take the pill. I haven't got into deep thinking before I ended up to that answer. Right after I comprehended the question, I already got my answer. It's not really that hard to think about it. I've been  laghed at, teased, bullied and even cursed to death because of being gay. Now you're wondering why won't I take the pill. It's because of the drastic changes that will happen to my life. Even though life for me would be not hard as this one and my future will be clearer, I don't think that's enough to throw away my true self.

For me, drinking the pill means you don't love your true self, you curse your own life and worst, you don't trust Him. Even though I've experienced many hardships in being gay, I never doubted the love God is giving me. I just think that all the problems I'm facing because of being gay are just experiences that will give lessons to me. Life will be very different once I take the pill, people around me will change their attitude towards me. Some will come, some will go. And you know I really hate goodbyes. With the things said, I don't think taking the pill will give me the real happiness and contentment I've been dreaming of. From there, I'll whole-heartedly not take the pill. Thank you so much. Charot.

You, will you take it?

KSGB. :-)

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