The Men of Vampire Diaries

After Glee, my most favorite series I've watched is Vampire Diaries. Minus the very good story, the men inside it made me really hooked in this show. Again, this blog practice conservativeness so I'll not be posting any sexy pictures of men. LOL. Without any further ado, here they are. Chos.

Stefan Salvatore a.k.a Paul Wesley - Stefan Salvatore, is the series' male protagonist. Wesley was born in New Brunswick, New Jersey on July 23, 1982 to Polish parents Agnieszka and Thomas Wasilewski, and grew up in Marlboro Township, New Jersey. I just learned that there's something between Paul and Pretty Little Liars' star Torrey DeVitto. Wesley met and began dating DeVitto in 2007 when they acted together in Killer Movie. They married in a private ceremony in New York City in April 2011. He already tied the knot... NEXT!!!

Damon Salvatore a.k.a Ian Somerhalder - Somerhalder (born December 8, 1978) is an American actor and model  raised in Covington, Louisiana, the son of Edna, a massage therapist, and Robert Somerhalder, an independent building contractor. Somerhalder was involved in the cleanup after the Deepwater Horizon oil drilling disaster on April 22, 2010. His efforts included cleaning of oiled wildlife and taping public service announcements to let the public know how they could help. Nice one Ian! While working on The Vampire Diaries, Somerhalder began dating his co-star Nina Dobrev. I heard Ian already proposed to Nina recently but Dobrev didn't accept the proposal. Why o why???

Matt Donovan a.k.a Zach Roerig - Turned 27 last February 22. Zach was born in Montpelier, Ohio to Andrea and Daniel Roerig. Zach also has a younger sister named Emily who was born in 1989. Zach attended the Barbizon School of Modeling in Cleveland and went on to participate in the International Model and Talent Association where he signed with his late talent manager. He graduated Montpelier High School where he played both football and was also a wrestler. While he was growing up, Zach worked for his father and grandfather at Fackler Monuments making gravestones. I don't really like Donovan's face. But his body's really hot! Choosy eh? LOL.

Jeremy Gilbert a.k.a Steven McQueen - Born on July 13, 1988. McQueen was born in Los Angeles, California, the son of Stacey Toten (Stacia Robitaille) and actor/producer Chad McQueen. His paternal grandparents were actor Steve McQueen and Filipino actress Neile Adams. His stepfather, Luc Robitaille, is a retired Canadian NHL hall of famer. So Steven has a blood of a Filipino. Love it. Steven starred as the protagonist of the 3D Horror Comedy film Piranha 3D as the role of Jake Forestor in the remake of the 1978 film of the same name. I didn't notice him in that movie. Maybe he just had a special apperance. Chos. I'll watch it again just to make sure. Effort!

Alaric Saltzman a.k.a Matt Davis - Aged 34 las May 8. In March 2008, Matt began dating actress Leelee Sobieski. In September of the same year, they got married, but filed for divorce just two months later. The divorce was finalised in February 2009. I call him Hot Daddy/Papa/Hubby 'cause despite his age, he's really hot. Isn't he?

Tyler Lockwood a.k.a Michael Trevino - Last but definitely not the least (actually the best. Chos.), my super crush, Michael Trevino. He's 27. Turning 28 on January 25. Trevino was raised in Montebello, California and later moved to Valencia, California. His mother was originally from Zacatecas, Mexico and his father was born in Fresno, California to Mexican immigrants. Trevino is the latest international endorser of Bench. Thanks to Mr. Chan because I've already seen Michael with his undies because of him. Hahaha. Michael is currently dating Glee actress Jenna Ushkowitz. I seriously don't know why. Charot! That's what you call true love. Chos. You're really a lucky biatch, Tina Cohen-Chang. I hate you! Echos! Hahaha.

Source: the not so reliable Wikipedia. Hahaha.

I hope you enjoyed the guys, guys. Keep safe always. Godbless. Mwah. Xoxo.

Solomangarephobia

"No man is an island". I truly believe in this saying. No person can live with neither a friend nor a family. Just imagine how the world will be if you don't have any. Nobody to talk to.

I'm taking a great leap when it comes to going to work. Ever since my closest friends in the company left me, I said to myself that I need to survive. It's not all the time that your friends are there for you. True that I have other friends there but they have other important businesses to do rather than accompanying me to all my activities like having breakfast and merienda, going to the bank, going to the pantry just to get water or coffee(Yes, it's weird. That's how close we were.) and of course, the most important of all, having lunch. Haha!

I have this fear of mine having lunch alone. I looked it up in the internet and it's called "Solomangarephobia". Well actually, I can eat alone in my cube but when it comes in eating alone in public like in our pantry or fastfood chains or restaurants, it gives a notion that everybody might think that I'm snobbish, that I don't have any friends, that I'm anti-social. And I don't want that stigma to be associated with me. But when I'm contemplating about it, I always come to the realisation that maybe I'm just paranoid and I'm over-analyzing things.

Maybe people don't give a damn about it. Maybe they just want to finish their business, which is eating, just like me and actually don't have anything on their minds about people who are alone while eating. I have this friend of mine who said that it's no big deal to her if she eats alone. Anytime of the day. Anywhere. Because of that, I concluded that maybe I'm not matured enough to face the reality that eating alone is just another normal thing here in Earth.

So currently, I'm trying my best to be independent when it comes to eating alone. I have this friend who oftentimes accompany me when it's time to eat but I'm assuring that it will not affect her work beacuse she's a busy person. She sometimes just eat in her cube because there's no enough time for her to eat outside the office. So when it's time for me to eat alone and when I'm already finished eating, I feel like I accomplished something. Hahaha.

You thought this is a serious post? I think it's not. Hahaha.

Keep safe ya all. Godbless Mwah.

Ano Ka Ba?!

Hindi ko sinasadyang ma-fall sa iyo. Hindi ka kasing gwapo ng ibang mga hinahangaan ko pero dahil sa pagiging kakaiba mo sa lahat at sa panunukso na din ng mga friends ko, naramdaman ko na lang na kinikilig na ako sa bawat pag-uusap natin. Alam kong hindi ako sigurado kung sadyang ganun ka lang sa lahat ng tao pero dahil sa ka-sweet-an mo sakin na hindi ko ine-expect na mararamdaman ko pa, unti unti kong na-realize na gusto na kita. Totoo nga ang sabi sakin ng bestfriend ko. Kahit hindi pa ganong gwapo yan, basta malambing, sweet and maalaga, hindi mo talaga maiiwasang ma-fall. Naisip ko nga, kung siya nga na babae, ganun na ang experience niya, what more pa sakin? 

Sa bawat paghawak mo sakin, hindi ko maiwasang maramdaman ang kilabot at kilig. Kung pwede lamang na hindi ko tanggalin ang kamay mo sa beywang ko(part ng katawan ko na madalas mong hawakan), malamang nilagnat na ko ng bongga. Pero hindi maaari. Maria Clara ang peg ko at makakasira sa image ko kung papabayaan ko lang na bastusin mo ko. Charot. Lol. Alam kong biro lang yun pero inaasam ko pa ding gusto mo din ang ginagawa mo sakin. Sino ba namang matinong straight na lalaki ang makikipaglandian sa isang out na bading sa isang lugar na hindi maiiwasang may makakita sa kanila. Kinikilig pa ang mga kaibigan ko sating dalawa. Mas kinikilig pa kesa sakin. Ayaw ko sanang seryosohin dahil magiging isa na naman ito sa mga mabigat kong dalahin pero hindi ko naiwasang dibdibin ang mga pagyayari dahil hindi lamang iisang beses mong pinadama sakin ang walang kasing kilig moments.

Memorable pa ang naging huling araw natin bilang officemates dahil magkatabi pa tayong nanood ng sine (disclaimer: madami kaming nanood. Hahaha). The Dark Knight Rises pa ang palabas. Libre mula sa company. Hahaha. Syempre pakana na naman ng mga friends ko kung pano tayo nagkatabi. Ayaw ko sana nung una pero natatalo ako ng pag-asam na me possibility tayo kaya tumabi ako sayo. Hindi pa nagtatagal ang palabas eh nakatulog ka na. Hahaha. Pero nakabawi din. Sigurado akong nahuhuli mo akong tumitingin sayo dahil madalas kong tignan kung nakatulog ka ulit. Umasam akong me mangyayaring kilig moments sa madilim na lugar na iyon pero wala. Umuwi pa kong malungkot nung dahil kasabay ng thought ng pag-alis mo at ng isa sa mga kaibigan ko sa company, hindi ka pa nagpaalam samin ng gabing iyon.

Sabi nga nila, all good things must come to an end. Malungkot ko ngayon, feeling ko alone na ako sa company, me umalis na naman akong friend. Sad but I must face it. Pinili ko ang posisyong ito. Kelangan kong magpakatatag. Kelangan kong matutong mag-lunch mag-isa. Hahaha. Pagdating naman sa iyo, nagkita pa tayo during lunch organized by, well, my dearest friends at kinilig na naman ako ng nilapitan mo ako ng makita mong mag-isa lang ako sa table natin sa Army Navy. Antakaw mo, sabi mo hindi ka kumakain ng gulay pero naubos mo yung burrito na order mo na ginaya mo lang kaya hindi mo alam na veggies ang laman nun. Hahaha. Magkatabi tayo ng upuan at magkadikit ang ating mga tuhod kaya ramdam ko ang bawat galaw ng paa mo. Badtrip ako sa mga malilikot ang mga paa pero para sa'yo, hinayaan kong magkadikit ang ating mga tuhod. Sayang lang at hindi ka nakasama sa DQ kahit halata na gusto mo dahil sa isa mong friend. Ewan ko ba, good hellos, epic happenings but sad endings ang takbo ng istorya natin.

Hindi ako assumero. Hindi ko talaga alam kung isa ka ba samin. Kung interesado ka ba sakin o sadyang isang mabuting kaibigan ka lang talaga pero sa habang tumatagal, nagiging matapang ako. Kaya ngayon, I'm doing things na hindi ko in-expect na gagawin ko. Ako na ang nag-i-initiate ng conversation ngayon. Mga walang kwentang bagay. Pero minsan nahahalata kong wala kang interest dahil sa hindi mo na pagrereply or matagal mong sagot. Pero I'll try pa din. Hanggang ngayon, kinikilig pa din ang mga friends ko and gumagawa talaga sila ng paraan para magkaron tayo ng communication pero hindi pa din ako aasa or mag-a-assume. Mahirap na. Masyado ng madami ang sakit na naranasan ko. Ayoko ng madagdagan pa. :-)

Again, ginamit ko ulit ang initials niya para sa title ng post na ito. Keep safe guys. Wish me luck sa work. Godbless. Mwah mwah. xoxo

Singe Forever

Madalas ini-imagine ko ang mga scenarios sa buhay ko kung meron akong boyfriend ngayon. And karamihan sa mga scenariong yun eh mga masasayang bagay. Mga nakakakilig na mga pangyayari. Kaya nga lalo akong nagiging hopeless romantic. Lol. Pero kapag nakakarinig ako ng mga love stories na humahantong sa sad ending, napapaisip ako kung kaya ko ba talagang mag-handle ng relationship lalo na't hindi pa masyadong tanggap here in the Philippines ang man-to-man na relasyon. Pero naiiisip ko, kung nagmamahalan naman talaga kame, why not diba. Kaso naman shet lang, walang lumalandi sakin, anong petsa na. I'm 21 na, single pa din. Feeling ko tuloy ang pangit pangit ko. Hahaha. Well actually, napatunayan ko nga na medyo tagilid yung face value ko dahil sa isang pangyayari sa life ko recently.

Me nag-pm sakin sa fb na cutie. Schoolmate ko siya dati sa university. Alam ko na gay siya. Pero pinapalabas niya na bi siya. Pero hindi ako naniniwala. LOL. So, nag-pm nga siya sakin. Hindi ako sanay na me nag-me-message sakin na ibang tao kase nga masungit talaga ang dating ko sa iba. Hindi ko sure kung nakikipag-flirt ba siya sakin. Basta ang alam ko, kinikilig ako that time kase me itsura talaga ang guy na to. Hindi kame magka-level. Hahaha. Hindi ko na idedetalye ang mga messages namin due to privacy. Charot! Wala lang talagag kwenta yung mga pinag-usapan namin. Lol. Kaya lang bigla na lang naputol ang communication namin after exchanging some messages. Inconsistent kase siya sa mga pinagsasasabi niya. Parang pinalabas pa niya na ako ang naghahabol sa kanya. The nerve ha. Kahit pangit ako, me pride pa din naman ako no tsaka hindi naman niya ka-level yung mga crush ko para habulin ko siya. Chos. Nag-bitter tuloy ako bigla. Hahaha. 

Anyway, ayun na nga. Bitter ang ending para sakin. Napaisip tuloy ako. Pano kaya kung kamukha ni fb guy ang magiging boyfriend ko, lugi kaya siya ng bongga sakin? That time, meron akong dalawang friend sa fb na sinurvey ko. Lol. And sadly, negative an nakuha kong sagot. Hahaha. Hindi ko naman masyadong dinibdib na hindi kame bagay ni fb guy. Nalungkot lang ako kase parang ambaba lang pala ng pwede kong ma-achieve kung magkakaron man ako ng lovelife. Kinuwento ko sa bestfriend ko yung nangyari and nabadtrip siya sakin kase bakit daw parang ang big deal big deal sakin ng fez value ng magiging boyfriend ko. Ano naman daw kung super gwapo ng magiging bf ko compared sa akin. Well, knowing myself, napakataas ng pride ko no. Ayaw ko naman na mag-mukahng katulong habang mgkasama kame. Alam ko ang sasabihin ng mga tao kase I'm one of the most laiteras sa mga kakilala ko and takot ako sa karma. Hahahaha.  

Right now, I have to change myself. I have to be a better person. Madalas pa din akong me kaaway dito sa bahay. I have to change for the better. Hindi na bumabata ang parents ko and ayokong magsisi sa huli. Naiisip ko, baka kaya gusto kong magka-bf eh dahil lang sa gusto ko ng experience ng pagiging in a relationship pero I'm picturing it as a ralationship na magkakaron din ng end. Sad no. Hindi ko din alam kung bakit ang nega ng tingin ko. Siguro nga, I'm meant to be single forever. Buti na lang napaghanadaan ko na yan. Kaya kung me dadating man, I'll charge it to experience na lang. Be thankful na lang for everything; for the family, friends and career. Nabasa ko nga sa PEx, bonus na lang kapag me dumating na magmamahal sayo forever. I'll look at it that way na lang. Para walang hassle sa buhay. Walang mabigat na nararamdaman para sa isang tao. Crushes lang keri na. Landi landi na lang. Mas masaya pa. Char!

Naloloka pala ko sa takbo ng career ko ngayon. Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko. Kwento ko sa next post ko. Sana malaman ko na ang plano nila sakin para maka-resbak na ko. Chos. Para malaman ko na din ang gagawin ko. :-) Happy 58th birthday nga pala sa pinkamamahal kong ina. Kahit na lagi tayong nag-a-away, I love you so much pa din. Sorry for all the bad things I've done to you and thank you very much for everything. Sana magkasama pa tayo kahit 30 years na lang. Hahaha. Keep safe guys. Godbless. :-) xoxo 

Glee Men

I forgot to say in this blog that I've been hooked in watching American series these past few months. Right now, I've seen five series namely The Walking Dead, Glee, Pretty Little Liars, Gossip Girl and lately, I'm watching Vampire Diaries. I know some of them are already old, I mean the series started several years ago, and I'm sorry if I'm already late for them. Hahaha. One of the major reasons why I'm watching them is, of course, the men in front of the camera. LOL. Can you blame me? I bet you can't. Refer to the pictures below for the reasons. Enjoy!

I'll start with the men of Glee.

Finn Hudson a.k.a. Cory Monteith - born on May 11, 1982. Raised by his mother, Cory had a drug addiction during his teenage years and went to rehab at 19. He has worked different jobs from Walmart people greeter(I'll include him in my shopping list if I can lol), taxi driver, school bus driver and roofer(wth??? ohhhh, it's the one who creates, arranges and finishes house roof. I thought it's one of the carpenter's job. Hahaha). He received his high school diploma in 2011. He's already 29 that time. He was casted as Finn in the audition where he drummed on Tupperware using pencils. Talented huh. He received numerous awards for this.

Noah Puckerman a.k.a. Mark Wayne Salling - aged 29 last August 17. Born in Dallas, Texas. He's younger than his other sibling. He was raised in a strict Christian home. I think it was hard for him to portray the character of Puck who is a devil in his looks with a heart of an angel. He was a member of his high school wrestling team. I'd like to see him in his uniform. LOL. He already released two albums which I'm not familiar to. LOL.

Mike Chang a.k.a. Harry Shum Jr. - born on April 28, 1982. Oh my, he's older than Finn. It doesn't show, in fairness to him. With his talent in dancing, he has appeared in dance films such as STomp the Yard, You Got Served, Step Up 2: The Streets and of course, Step Up 3D. He was also one of the lead dancers with stars such as Beyonce, Mariah Carey,  Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Lopez. He's really talented in dancing huh. 

Lastly, Chord Overstreet - Youngest and hottest of them all. Well, for me. Lol. He just turned 23 last February 17. I'm only 21. Still can be! LOL. He is of German, Irish, English, and "a little bit of Native American" descent. Overstreet began to pursue his passion of performing after his high school graduation in 2007.  After two unsuccessful years, Overstreet started his acting career on the web series Private, as Josh Hollis.[12] He was also featured in an episode of iCarly iSpeed Date (for a few minutes) and the unaired pilot of No Ordinary Family.

Source: Wikipedia

Even with my Dreams

I've dreamt of you twice, only for this week. I don't know if it's caused by my constant thoughts of you. Yes, I'm guilty as charged. I almost see you everyday. My day is literally not complete when I don't see you. Over-reacting I know but it has become my habit/daily routine to stare at you everytime you walk down your way to your seat. You're the cutest. As in. Both of my dreams with you state that we had connections. Thrilled with it, I almost cry whenever I wake up realizing that both were only just fantasies.

We were having a family dinner at a fancy restaurant when I saw you. My mom known your my mother for years. They were close friends.This was my first dream. The second one was better. I knew where you live. I saw you having lunch with your family. I knew your family business. Excitement was all over me. Of course, who would not be? I'll have a shot on you. Who knows what will happen? 

But both were just dreams and will only stay as both were unless I'll move. But how? Actually, I've been contemplating on this for a few days now. Some of my friends say that I should go for gold but others say that I must wait for the right time; that I should first know if he also, you know, likes guys. Haha! I settled for both. I'll wait for the right place and time. Maybe when I saw him at a mall, having coffee, alone. Maybe I'll have the strength and I'll give it a shot. I'm still thinking of a strategy when the opportunity comes. Wish me luck! :-)


Btw, here's a video of him I recorded while I'm sitting beside him weeks ago. Sorry for the pixelated frames due to my ancient phone. Lol. I don't know if it's prohibited or what. But if it is, I'll delete it asap. Haha. 

Bye guys! Keep safe! Godbless. Mwah. xoxo.

Bullied

I felt bullied last Friday. Nagkaron kame ng division lunch sa Vikings sa MOA. I'm so thrilled when I received the invite through e-mail. Naisip ko, sayang din ang free buffet lunch kung hindi ako sasama. Hahaha. Tsaka para na din makilala ko yung iba pang member ng division where I belong to. I didn't expect that my excitement will suddenly turn into disappointment.

Sabi na nga ba, hindi na dapat ako sumama sa lunch na yun. There's something inside me that hindered me to click the accept button in the invitation. Alam ko kase sa sarili ko that I hate crowds. Lalo na yung crowd na magkakakilala and you'll be left out of place kapag nakasama mo sila. Akala ko kakain lang. Akala ko, simpleng pagpapakilala lang. Akala ko, mabilisan lang. Akala ko walang mangyayaring hindi maganda. Akala ko lang pala yun.

Ok pa siya nung una eh. Masaya din ako sa biyahe papunta dun. Siksikan kame sa sasakyan ng team mate ko. Masaya, magulo. Then pagdating namin dun,  kain kain lang. Until dumating na yung time ng pagpapakilala. Hindi ko in-expect yun kaya medyo kinakabahan ako. Well, name lang naman yung sasabihin pero the fact na hindi ko masyadong hobby yung pakikisalamuha sa mga tao, medyo naging I'm not at ease. Alam niyo naman ako, madalas, sa girls lang nakikipag-friends. Ewan ko ba nahihirapan akong makipag-kaibigan sa guys. Ok naman yung mga nauna until napunta na sakin. Bago ako eh ilang girls yung nagpakilala. Karamihan sa crowd eh boys. Syempre, medyo me ilang lokohan kase magaganda yung girls namin . Like for example hindi nila narinig yung name nung girl kaya papaulit nila.  Then ako na nga. I really think I'm openly gay sa company namin but that doesn't mean na open na ako sa mga gay jokes kaya medyo na-offend ako sa ginawa nung isa sa mga divisionmate ko na lalaki. Bago pa ko nagsalita eh sumigaw na siya ng "Anu daw???". Na-offend ako ng bongga kase alam ko na niloloko ako. Hindi lang yun simpleng panloloko kase feel na feel ko na me kinalaman sa sexuality ko yung ginawa niya. Tapos nagtawanan pa silang lahat. Nabastos talaga ako. Dinaan ko na lang sa ngiti lahat pero sa loob loob ko, umiiyak na ko. Hindi ako sanay sa ganun. Sensitive din ako pagdating sa ganung bagay. Kaya ako naging aloof sa crowd lalo na sa mga lalaki eh dahil din sa mga tao mismo. 

Nalulungkot lang ako kase bakit kelangan pa niyang gawin yun? Nalulungkot lang ako kase bakit hindi na lang niya ko pinalampas. Napatunayan ko tuloy na hindi pa din "kame" tanggap sa lipunang 'to. Naiilang tuloy ako sa kanila. Naging sign na tuloy yun sakin na aalis na ko dun right after matapos yung bond ko. Pero naisip ko, makakahanap kaya ako ng company na walang ganung mangyayari? Alam kong medyo malabo pero umaasa pa din ako. Hindi ko alam kung pagtakas ba yung gagawin ko pero nalulungkot lang talaga ko. Naiisip ko tuloy kung pinagtatawanan ba nila ko behind my back. Sensitive and pessimistic pa naman ako. I feel so small tuloy. 

Iniyak ko na lang siya sa cube ko. Buti na lang andyan yung mga team mate kong girls kaya medyo gumaan yung loob ko nung binigyan nila ko ng advise. Isa lang ang wish when it comes to this matter, sana lang pare-pareho kaming magbago... for good.

Keep safe guys. Godbless. Mwah.

Acts of Lasciviousness

I just realized that I've learned something important sa pagkahumaling ko ke Chin. Na hindi nga siguro pag-ibig, I mean true love, yung kung ano man yung feelings that I've felt these past few years sa mga lalaking bumihag sa aking puso. Charot. Every night, if I do have a chance, I'm contemplating on some things about my life. Kung ano anong mga bagay yung nangyayari sakin, sa family ko, sa frineds ko and especially sa mga lalaking nasa isipan ko. And lately napag-isip isip ko na baka nga hindi love yung naramdaman ko para sa kanila. Even for Covin. Imagine, ilang taon akong naging baliw ke Covin even though there's no single time na pinansin niya ko. Na tinanggap niya yung ino-offer kong friendship sa kanya. Narealize ko na malabong pagmamahal ang nararamdaman mo para sa isang tao kung hindi mo pa naman siya kilala ng lubusan. Maybe I'm infatuated lang. Maybe nadala lang ng puso ko yung notion na mahal ko sila kase madalas kong iyakan yung fact na they can't reciprocate the feelings I have for them. Kaya ngayon, medyo gumagaan yung pakiramdam ko kapag naaalala ko yung feelings ko para ke Chin. Hindi niya ko kilala. Hindi ko siya kilala. I don't even know his true name kaya ina-assume ko na hindi love 'tong nararamdaman ko sa kanya. I like him. I really like him. I really like him so much. I really like him so much to the nth power. I really like him so much to the nth power that I'll do something I've never done before just to make him happy if he wants me to. Naalala ko pa na sinabi ko sa officemate ko na handa akong magpakadumi para ke Chin. Wahaha. By magpakadumi, I meant do the deed. Ok, magpapakadefensive ako. I based the "dumi" word on the fact na hindi ko pa siya na-e-experience kaya yun yung naisip kong gamitin na word. Haha.

"Like" na lang yung ginagamit kong word sa pagdescribe sa nararamdaman ko for Chin 'cause I think mabigat masyado yung word na love. Hindi ko alam kung bakit naging iba yung perception ko sa love kase kung ibe-based sa mga nakaraan kong naramdaman sa ibang lalaki na I thought is love, matindi din itong ke Chin. Kaya ngayon, sa tingin ko, technically, eh hindi pa ko na-i-inlove. Hahaha. Unbelievable on my part kase kung malalaman mo lang yung mga pinagdaanan ko habang "infatuated" sa mga naging super crushes ko, masasabi mong naging madly in love with them talaga ako. Kaya isang malaking task para sakin na baguhin yung paniniwala ko na ilang beses na kong na-in love. Bakit ko pa binabago? Wala lang. Arte lang. Hahahaha.

On the lighter note, me nangyaring super nakakakilig(for me) between me and Chin. Last Thursday kase, medyo nasa unahan ako ng pila sa sakayan ng tren. I located myself sa place na malapit sa mga aircons. Medyo masikip na sa place ko that time. Nag-angat ako ng tingin at nakita ko Chin na papalapit sa pwesto ko. Maybe because he's eyeing for a place na malapit din sa mga aircons kase nga sobrang init ng panahon ngayon. Na-excite ako nang makita kong tumigil talaga siya sa harap ko. And gosh, that time, naka-set sa mind ko na bigyan lang ako ng pagkakataon na mapalapit sa kanya, I'll risk my reputation na. Charot. Hahaha. Well, hindi ko lang magawang makipagkilala sa kanya kase nahihiya pa ko. Tsaka I don't think it's the right time na para itaya yung kahihiyan ko sa gagawin kong yun kase lagi ko pa din siyang nakakasabay. Ok na muna ko sa ganun. Hahaha. Eto na! Nakakaloka. So umurong talaga ako ng bonggang bonggang bonggang bongga talaga para makaupo siya and voila, MAGKATABI NA KAME!!! Hahahaha. And then, nagulat na lang ako na umalis yung katabi ko sa kaliwa sa hindi ko malamang kadahilanan. So medyo maluwag na sa place namin. Kinabahan ako kase baka maisipan din niyang umalis sa tabi ko. Grabe ang kaba ko nun kase nga katabi ko siya tapos kinakabahan din akong umalis siya. Pero I won! Yes, naging magkatabi kami all throughout ng byahe!!! Naging magkatabi na kame dati pero this time, mas nakakakilig kase siya yung tumabi sakin (ang ganda ko lang. charot) and me ginawa akong something naughty habang katabi ko siya. Hahaha. 

So katabi ko na nga siya. And there's something running in my mind that time. Remember the time na nakatabi ko siya dati? Yes, I've told here in my blog before na nakatabi ko na siya dati and as the nervous and conservative that I was that time, wala man lang akong ginawa. In-enjoy ko na lang na katabi ko siya. Kaya this time, hindi ko na pinalampas ang pagkakataon. Disclaimer: walang nangyaring masyadong malaswa. Medyo naging agressive lang ako ng konti. So eto na nga, magkatabi na kame, And this time, naka-short sleeves kame pareho. Yes, it's Thursday pero naka-casual ako kase inadvise kame ng company na dressdown na hanggang matapos ang May due to the intense heat na nararanasan natin ngayon. Well, it's very convenient for us na nagko-commute pa. Anyway, ayun na nga, habang magkatabi kame, naisip ko kung pano ko siya mahahawakan. Wahahaha. Yes, all throughout ng byahe eh iniisip ko kung pano ko siya matsatsansingan. Hahahaha. So eto na nga, I had a bright idea. Tulog siya ng mga time na to kaya medyo me lakas ako ng loob. Hahaha. Kunwari eh hinahawakan ng kaliwang kamay ko yung kanan kong braso so nakadikit na yung kamay ko sa kaliwa niyang braso kase nga siksikan nun kaya ganun na kame ka-close. Hahaha. Hindi naman ata niya napansin na me ginagawa na kong kalapastanganan sa kanya kaya lalo akong tumapang. I loosen up my grip sa braso ko and this time, nakapatong na yung mga daliri ko sa braso niya and nag-tap ako ng ilang beses pero deadma pa din siya kaya I continued lang. Gosh, sa totoo lang super kinakabahan na ko sa ginagawa ko kase first ko lang gumawa ng ganun. Lol. Well, hindi naman ata niya napapansin yung ginagawa ko kase nga tulog siya kaya pinagpatuloy ko pa yung paglapastangan sa kanya. Hahaha. Mga ilang minuto ko ding ginagawa yung pagtap ng daliri ko sa kanya. Yung four fingers ko lang yun. Naiwan yung thumb ko kase masyado ng halata. Hahaha. Para akong nademonyo that time kase laging pumapasok sa isip ko na madalang lang mangyari yung ganung pagkakataon kaya I'd better give my all. Charot. Kaya this time eh nilabas ko na din yung thumb ko and I started to circle it in his arms. Alam kong medyo off na yung ginagawa ko pero natutuwa ako. Masaya ako na nagkaron kami ng moment na yun. Paulit ulit kasing pumapasok sa isipan ko na baka pagsisihan kong hindi ko man lang siya napaglaruan. CHOS! Hahaha. Malapit na kame sa destination namin kaya I really gave my last shot. While I'm circling my thumb on his arms, I looked at his side and sinilip kung me nakatingin sa side namin. Nang ma-assure kong wala naman, Medyo nilapit ko yung mukha ko sa kanya. Yeah, it's close yet so far. Syempre hindi ko naman siya pwedeng i-kiss no. Pero kung pwede lang and kung ok lang sa kanya (na medyo malabo), gorabels na. Ansaya lang siguro na siya ang first kiss ko. Gosh, how sweet. Hahaha. Nang paparating na sa station na bababaan namin, by this time, continuous pa din yung pag-circle ng thumb ko sa skin niya which by the way is sooooo hot(WAHAHAHAHA), my gosh, nakita ko yung kaharap namin na nakatingin sakin. Hindi ko na lang tinanggal yung kamay ko sa braso ko pero inistop ko na yung pag-circle ng thumb ko para hindi naman ako masyadong guilty. My gosh talaga. Medyo nahiya ako sa sarili ko that time kase hindi ko akalaing aabot ako sa ganito. Hahaha. Nakapikit pa siya kahit malapit na kame sa bababaan namin kaya ng umistop na ang train, i pushed myself papunta sa kanya para magising siya. Ang shetness, mukha akong tanga nun kase napalakas ata yung pagpush ko sa sarili ko. Obvious na gusto ko siyang gisingin. Pero siya, deadma pa din. Hahahaha.

Masyado ng mapangahas yung ginagawa ko pero I liked it. Really. But wait there's more. Hindi pa nagtatapos diyan ang paglapastangan ko ke Chin. Lol. Eh di tumayo na kame kase nga bababa na kame. I gave my last shot, I leaned closer to his back and I kissed it. Hahaha. I know, that's sound pathetic. Pero, my gosh, I think it's sweet. Wahahaha. Wala akong pinagsisisihan sa mga ginawa ko. Gusto ko siya eh. Nagtataka lang ako kung wala kaya talaga siyang naramdaman sa lahat ng kabastusang ginawa ko sa kanya. Hahaha. Nahiya pa nga akong i-kwento to sa mga friends ko. When I told them everything, nagtataka din sila kung bakit hindi man lang daw nagising or nagreact si Chin sa mga ginawa ko. And natuwa/kinilig ako sa conclusion nila: na baka gising si Chin all those times and gusto niya din yung ginagawa ko. Mga assumero at assumera lang kame. Hahaha. Pero nalungkot ako ng bongga kinabukasan kase hindi ko siya nakatabi. Maluwag sa puwesto ko and nagkatinginan pa kame pero nagtuloy tuloy siya sa paglakad. :-( I told about it sa mga friends and sabi nung isa, baka naman daw paranoid lang ako. Magbigay daw ako ng test na kung tatlong beses mangyari na maluwag sa place ko and nagkatinginan kame then hindi siya tumabi sakin, then that's it. Baka iniiwasan na niya ko. Baka alam niya yung ginawa ko sa kanya. Gosh, kinakabahan ako sa totoo lang. Pero wala pa din akong pinagsisisihan sa mga ginawa ko. Natuwa ako eh. I took the risk and naging masaya ako. Walang dapat pagsisihan. Hahaha.

That's all guys. Godbless. Mwah. :-)

I Really Like You

I'm having a sudden change in my mood. I'm really saddened by the things circling in my mind.

I love my family. I really love each and every member of it. I'm really trying my best to make them feel it but sometimes, especially when I've done a not so good thing to them, it seems like I haven't done anything good to them. It's like I'm a bad person. I did my best my I guess my best wasn't good enough.

I really like him. Yeah, Chin it is. But I don't have the courage to say it to him face to face. The fondness I'm feeling for him gets stronger more and more each day. I hope someday I'll have the strength to say it to you Chin. It's really hard seeing you every day while hiding the happiness inside myself whenever our eyes met. If I'm just given the chance (a really rare one) to say to him how I feel, I think I'll not let it pass just like what I did with the previous opportunities that had came my way. I just need a perfect timing and perfect emotional condition. Maybe I'll don't give a big damn if he'll reject me. I just really want him to know what I feel for him. It's really hard suppressing my feelings for him. I just hope that the things I need for him to know what I feel for him will be brought to me. Maybe by that time, I’ll already have the strength to tell it to him. Maybe.

Black Saturday Rants

I know it's Black Saturday and hindi tutugma sa panahong ito ang patutunguhan ng post ko na ito ngunit subalit datapwat kailangan ko itong ilabas. Chos. Wala akong bonggang lakad sa buong bakasyon kaya ang panonood na lang ng American TV Series na Glee and Pretty Little Liars ang pinang-ubos ko ng oras ko. Anlaki ng kasalanan ko ngayon dahil nakakatatlong araw na na bakasyon pero hindi pa din ako nakakapagsimba. And dito na papasok yung isa sa mga medyo pino-problema ko nowadays.

Hindi ako makapagsimba ng ako lang mag-isa. Nahihila ako ng katamaran. Kaya hinihintay ko na lang lagi ang bestfriend ko na magyaya na magsimba kami. I know it's wrong and I know it's a big sin kaya I'm hoping na dumating yung time na makapagsimba ako mag-isa... ng constant. As in every week. Kahit naman ang ibang tao, aminado na hindi sila makapagsimba ng sila lang mag-isa. Like my friend na tinanong ko dati kung makakapagsimba ba siya ng hindi kasama yung boyfriend niya and her answer is no. Na-relief ako ng konti noon. Konti lang naman. Kase I'm not treating that as an excuse para hindi na din ako magsimba mag-isa. Mabuti na nga lang eh me cross-over. Medyo natututo ako ng mga words of God. Nakakabawas ng guilt. Charot.

Another thing na   bothered ako ngayon eh yung crush ko sa twitter. Si Flo. Ok, talagang nag-name drop ako. Hahaha. Flo is a discreet bisexual (if there's such thing as that. Hahaha) na nakilala ko sa PEx. This may sound bitter and yeah, bitter talaga ako sa kanya. Ansungit kase niya. Lalo na nung nalaman niya na crush ko siya. ~___~ Hello, don't be too assuming. Hindi porque crush kita eh makakapag-inarte ka ng bongga sakin. Hahaha. Hindi ko naman alam sa sarili ko kung bakit hindi ko siya ma-unfollow. Baka umaasa pa din ako. Chos. I don't know if me kinalaman yung bitterness ko sa kasungitan niya sakin sa pagka-bother ko or talagang medyo offensive lang ang mga tweets niya. Last Saturday eh nanalo bilang big winner si Slater. Super cute ni Slater no! Chos. Back to the main topic. Ayun nga, Flo tweeted that girls and "pa-girls" will be happy dahil sa pagkapanalo ni Slater. Oh gosh, napaka-hypocrite niya para magtweet ng ganun. I mean, you're bisexual(sabi mo) but you flirt with boys sa twitter as if you're gayer than me tapos magbabato ka ng ganung statement against sa mga kalahi mo. How rude! Ok stop na, masyado na kong nag-iinarte dito. Hahaha.

Lastly, itong kaibigan ko sa work na super flirtatious ang dating! Kaloka lang. When it comes to friendship, wala ka talagang maipipintas sa kanya kase Ms. Congeniality and dating ng lola mo. Ang problema lang talaga eh pagdating sa workmates naming boys. Alam niyo naman sa IT industry, maliit lang ang percentage ng mga babae and kahit saan ka lumingon eh me makikita kang boys. Ansaya lang. Charot. Ngayon nga eh inlababo ang lola mo sa isang team mate namin na married na, me mga anak pa! Kaloka lang. And take note, in a relationship din siya no! Keri lang sana na ganun at walang nangyayari. Kaso eh e-emote emote siya samin ngayon pero kinabukasan eh lumalandi na naman ke churvang team mate. Eh pano naman siya makakaalis sa problema niya ngayon kung ganun ng ganun. Super concerned lang kame sa kanya kaya pinapagalitan namin pero it seems like hindi naman siya nakikinig. :-( Eto pa, me kasabihan siyang kapag ayaw niya sa isang tao unang pagkakakilala pa lang, hindi na niya ito makakasundo kahit kelan. Nakakaloka lang kase me drift ngayon sa team namin and masasabi ko talaga na siya talaga and dahilan nun dahil sa paulit ulit niyang pagpansin sa mga ginagawa ni team mate. Dumating tuloy sa point na nagka-confrontation kaming lahat versus sa team mate namin. Naaawa nga ako sa team mate naming yun kase hindi naman niya nakuha yung sagot sa tanong niya kung me problema ba si friendship sa kanya. Puro kase pag-iwas ang sagot ni friend. Nakakaloka lang.

Hay naku, sana maging ok na ang lahat. Sana mabago natin ang mga bagay na kailangan nating baguhin. Sana mapag-nilay-nilayan natin ngayong panahon ng Semana Santa na handa tayong patawarin ng Diyos sa kung anumang kasalanan ang nagawa natin basta handa tayong tanggapin siya ng buong puso. :-)

Keep safe guys. Godbless. Mwah. :-)