Bullying At Its Finest

I'm lurking at PEx when I stumbled upon a thread about bullying. I googled some articles about bullying and below were the things I've found.

http://illinoishomepage.net/fulltext/?nxd_id=310257

http://www.chron.com/life/mom-houston/article/Parents-Bullying-drove-Cy-Fair-8th-grader-to-1698827.php

http://www.upi.com/Top_News/US/2012/05/25/7-year-old-commits-suicide-over-bullying/UPI-28561337973787/

http://goodmenproject.com/good-feed-blog/another-teen-suicide-due-to-bullying/

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/reading-between-the-headlines/201206/another-suicide-due-bullying

I was so sad when I read these news because I can relate. I've always felt like I'm bullied since ages ago. Everytime I walk in our street, kids will yell at me saying "Gay! Gay!" as if I'm denying it; boys will start looking at each other and strike a smile on their faces as I'm a big disappointment to their specie and people would look at me in a humiliating way obviously referring for my existence in what they call "abnormal world".

I don't understand why they do that. I don't think it brings any good to them. I'm not sure if they get satisfaction from what they're doing. In case they are, I believe they're a having a very bad habit. Believe it or not, every night I'm having my time talking to God, asking for strength, I always come to a point that I would pray to Him to eradicate homosexuality in the world in the future generations. Why? I'm hoping for it because I'm aware that the road the homos were walking is a not so easy one. Don't get me wrong, I love my colleagues in sexuality, even the gays in the future. Lol. It's just that, I love them so much that I don't want them to experience the hardships taken by the non-heterosexuals.

I know I'm a weakling when it comes to bullying. You can see me emotionless when I'm embarrassed by other people but when the time I got home and I'm already hugging my pillow, silent cries will fill the room. I almost lost my confidence because of that. I came to a point that I'll pray to Him to already get me out of this cruel world but when I think of the people I'll leave, I'll change my mind and I'll just wish to him more and more strength to continue my battle in this planet. I never planned to have suicide because it's wrong. Taking your own life as if you really own it? I don't think it's a good idea.

Right now, I'm working hard for my family and for myself. For the bullies to know that God exists and play the game of life fairly. I'm still humbled even though I can already tell them face to face that the kid they bullied years ago is already having a great time of his life. The sad truth that they will remain bullies for the rest of their lives will be my sweet revenge for them. "Mean" by Taylor Swift will be my song for them. :-)

KSGB! (Short for Keep Safe God Bless.) Hahaha. :-)  

Star Magic Ball 2012

I've always been fascinated scrutinizing (not physically though) gowns of women walking on the red carpet. I think being gay really influenced me a lot in terms of fashion. Actually, if I'm just good at drawing, I think I'll study another course and shift my path into fashion design but unfortunately, I'm not. Hahaha. Anyway, below are my Best and Worst Dressed in the Star Magic Ball 2012. It's still on-going while I'm writing this so sorry for some lacking info. I know we have different tastes when it comes to fashion but I really do believe that gays' instincts are somewhat connected to each other when fashion's the topic. I'll prove it by letting you see the pics below. :-)

My BEST DRESSED are as follows: 

The Sophisticated Ones

I don't know this girl but her name is Jerica Ejercito. 

Her gown was made by Rajo Laurel himself.

No wonder the dress is so stylish.

Devon Seron from PBB wore a classic black and white gown.

Simple but became elegant because of the crystals above her waist.

I don't like her purse though.

Here's Rica Peralejo wearing a black and white cocktail dress.

The belt accentuated the top part of the dress and

 its shine help the dress to have life.

I think the pearl necklaces were already not needed. 

A simple white necklace will do. 

The Fabulous Ones

    

 Scene burglar Bea Alonzo wore a feathery gown.

Nobody can resist looking at her "how-many-chicken-died" dress,
I believe so.

Confidence of Bea really helped her dress fantastically.

I don't think anybody can't cope up with dress except for her.

Kim Chiu nailed it again with her white gown  created by Edwin Tan 

bombarded with white stones.

The bottom part of the dress accentuate the refined skin of her.

The breast part of the dress would have been better 

if the gown's breast canal is wider.

That's just my opinion though. 

Nevertheless, the gown looks really good on her.

Maja Salvador proved that she's not a teenie weenie anymore 

when she ramped her gown.

I love how the part of the gown below her waist began to fly.

I also adore how her hair flows down to her gown 

which added spice to her look.

My Best Dressed of all is none other than Shaina Magdayao.

I don't like Shaina but when I saw this picture of hers,

 I know I'll not be biased.

This gown is to die for. Look how it emphasized her curves.

The backless effect of the gown will say to you that 

wait 'till you see entirety of me.

And it really did amazed me by the looks of her down below.

See how glamorous the gown? Hands up! Need I say more?

WORST DRESSED

I'll just give a one word description for each one. Haha!

Angelica Panganiban by Ellie Saab

PLAIN!

Bangs Garcia

TRASHY!

Julia Montes by Pepsi Herrera

HORSETAIL?

Kathryn Bernardo by Rhett Eala

CONSERVATIVE!

Source : Google Images. LOL

That's all guys! Any violent reactions?LOL. Keep safe! Godbless. xoxo :-)

The Men of Vampire Diaries

After Glee, my most favorite series I've watched is Vampire Diaries. Minus the very good story, the men inside it made me really hooked in this show. Again, this blog practice conservativeness so I'll not be posting any sexy pictures of men. LOL. Without any further ado, here they are. Chos.

Stefan Salvatore a.k.a Paul Wesley - Stefan Salvatore, is the series' male protagonist. Wesley was born in New Brunswick, New Jersey on July 23, 1982 to Polish parents Agnieszka and Thomas Wasilewski, and grew up in Marlboro Township, New Jersey. I just learned that there's something between Paul and Pretty Little Liars' star Torrey DeVitto. Wesley met and began dating DeVitto in 2007 when they acted together in Killer Movie. They married in a private ceremony in New York City in April 2011. He already tied the knot... NEXT!!!

Damon Salvatore a.k.a Ian Somerhalder - Somerhalder (born December 8, 1978) is an American actor and model  raised in Covington, Louisiana, the son of Edna, a massage therapist, and Robert Somerhalder, an independent building contractor. Somerhalder was involved in the cleanup after the Deepwater Horizon oil drilling disaster on April 22, 2010. His efforts included cleaning of oiled wildlife and taping public service announcements to let the public know how they could help. Nice one Ian! While working on The Vampire Diaries, Somerhalder began dating his co-star Nina Dobrev. I heard Ian already proposed to Nina recently but Dobrev didn't accept the proposal. Why o why???

Matt Donovan a.k.a Zach Roerig - Turned 27 last February 22. Zach was born in Montpelier, Ohio to Andrea and Daniel Roerig. Zach also has a younger sister named Emily who was born in 1989. Zach attended the Barbizon School of Modeling in Cleveland and went on to participate in the International Model and Talent Association where he signed with his late talent manager. He graduated Montpelier High School where he played both football and was also a wrestler. While he was growing up, Zach worked for his father and grandfather at Fackler Monuments making gravestones. I don't really like Donovan's face. But his body's really hot! Choosy eh? LOL.

Jeremy Gilbert a.k.a Steven McQueen - Born on July 13, 1988. McQueen was born in Los Angeles, California, the son of Stacey Toten (Stacia Robitaille) and actor/producer Chad McQueen. His paternal grandparents were actor Steve McQueen and Filipino actress Neile Adams. His stepfather, Luc Robitaille, is a retired Canadian NHL hall of famer. So Steven has a blood of a Filipino. Love it. Steven starred as the protagonist of the 3D Horror Comedy film Piranha 3D as the role of Jake Forestor in the remake of the 1978 film of the same name. I didn't notice him in that movie. Maybe he just had a special apperance. Chos. I'll watch it again just to make sure. Effort!

Alaric Saltzman a.k.a Matt Davis - Aged 34 las May 8. In March 2008, Matt began dating actress Leelee Sobieski. In September of the same year, they got married, but filed for divorce just two months later. The divorce was finalised in February 2009. I call him Hot Daddy/Papa/Hubby 'cause despite his age, he's really hot. Isn't he?

Tyler Lockwood a.k.a Michael Trevino - Last but definitely not the least (actually the best. Chos.), my super crush, Michael Trevino. He's 27. Turning 28 on January 25. Trevino was raised in Montebello, California and later moved to Valencia, California. His mother was originally from Zacatecas, Mexico and his father was born in Fresno, California to Mexican immigrants. Trevino is the latest international endorser of Bench. Thanks to Mr. Chan because I've already seen Michael with his undies because of him. Hahaha. Michael is currently dating Glee actress Jenna Ushkowitz. I seriously don't know why. Charot! That's what you call true love. Chos. You're really a lucky biatch, Tina Cohen-Chang. I hate you! Echos! Hahaha.

Source: the not so reliable Wikipedia. Hahaha.

I hope you enjoyed the guys, guys. Keep safe always. Godbless. Mwah. Xoxo.

Solomangarephobia

"No man is an island". I truly believe in this saying. No person can live with neither a friend nor a family. Just imagine how the world will be if you don't have any. Nobody to talk to.

I'm taking a great leap when it comes to going to work. Ever since my closest friends in the company left me, I said to myself that I need to survive. It's not all the time that your friends are there for you. True that I have other friends there but they have other important businesses to do rather than accompanying me to all my activities like having breakfast and merienda, going to the bank, going to the pantry just to get water or coffee(Yes, it's weird. That's how close we were.) and of course, the most important of all, having lunch. Haha!

I have this fear of mine having lunch alone. I looked it up in the internet and it's called "Solomangarephobia". Well actually, I can eat alone in my cube but when it comes in eating alone in public like in our pantry or fastfood chains or restaurants, it gives a notion that everybody might think that I'm snobbish, that I don't have any friends, that I'm anti-social. And I don't want that stigma to be associated with me. But when I'm contemplating about it, I always come to the realisation that maybe I'm just paranoid and I'm over-analyzing things.

Maybe people don't give a damn about it. Maybe they just want to finish their business, which is eating, just like me and actually don't have anything on their minds about people who are alone while eating. I have this friend of mine who said that it's no big deal to her if she eats alone. Anytime of the day. Anywhere. Because of that, I concluded that maybe I'm not matured enough to face the reality that eating alone is just another normal thing here in Earth.

So currently, I'm trying my best to be independent when it comes to eating alone. I have this friend who oftentimes accompany me when it's time to eat but I'm assuring that it will not affect her work beacuse she's a busy person. She sometimes just eat in her cube because there's no enough time for her to eat outside the office. So when it's time for me to eat alone and when I'm already finished eating, I feel like I accomplished something. Hahaha.

You thought this is a serious post? I think it's not. Hahaha.

Keep safe ya all. Godbless Mwah.

Ano Ka Ba?!

Hindi ko sinasadyang ma-fall sa iyo. Hindi ka kasing gwapo ng ibang mga hinahangaan ko pero dahil sa pagiging kakaiba mo sa lahat at sa panunukso na din ng mga friends ko, naramdaman ko na lang na kinikilig na ako sa bawat pag-uusap natin. Alam kong hindi ako sigurado kung sadyang ganun ka lang sa lahat ng tao pero dahil sa ka-sweet-an mo sakin na hindi ko ine-expect na mararamdaman ko pa, unti unti kong na-realize na gusto na kita. Totoo nga ang sabi sakin ng bestfriend ko. Kahit hindi pa ganong gwapo yan, basta malambing, sweet and maalaga, hindi mo talaga maiiwasang ma-fall. Naisip ko nga, kung siya nga na babae, ganun na ang experience niya, what more pa sakin? 

Sa bawat paghawak mo sakin, hindi ko maiwasang maramdaman ang kilabot at kilig. Kung pwede lamang na hindi ko tanggalin ang kamay mo sa beywang ko(part ng katawan ko na madalas mong hawakan), malamang nilagnat na ko ng bongga. Pero hindi maaari. Maria Clara ang peg ko at makakasira sa image ko kung papabayaan ko lang na bastusin mo ko. Charot. Lol. Alam kong biro lang yun pero inaasam ko pa ding gusto mo din ang ginagawa mo sakin. Sino ba namang matinong straight na lalaki ang makikipaglandian sa isang out na bading sa isang lugar na hindi maiiwasang may makakita sa kanila. Kinikilig pa ang mga kaibigan ko sating dalawa. Mas kinikilig pa kesa sakin. Ayaw ko sanang seryosohin dahil magiging isa na naman ito sa mga mabigat kong dalahin pero hindi ko naiwasang dibdibin ang mga pagyayari dahil hindi lamang iisang beses mong pinadama sakin ang walang kasing kilig moments.

Memorable pa ang naging huling araw natin bilang officemates dahil magkatabi pa tayong nanood ng sine (disclaimer: madami kaming nanood. Hahaha). The Dark Knight Rises pa ang palabas. Libre mula sa company. Hahaha. Syempre pakana na naman ng mga friends ko kung pano tayo nagkatabi. Ayaw ko sana nung una pero natatalo ako ng pag-asam na me possibility tayo kaya tumabi ako sayo. Hindi pa nagtatagal ang palabas eh nakatulog ka na. Hahaha. Pero nakabawi din. Sigurado akong nahuhuli mo akong tumitingin sayo dahil madalas kong tignan kung nakatulog ka ulit. Umasam akong me mangyayaring kilig moments sa madilim na lugar na iyon pero wala. Umuwi pa kong malungkot nung dahil kasabay ng thought ng pag-alis mo at ng isa sa mga kaibigan ko sa company, hindi ka pa nagpaalam samin ng gabing iyon.

Sabi nga nila, all good things must come to an end. Malungkot ko ngayon, feeling ko alone na ako sa company, me umalis na naman akong friend. Sad but I must face it. Pinili ko ang posisyong ito. Kelangan kong magpakatatag. Kelangan kong matutong mag-lunch mag-isa. Hahaha. Pagdating naman sa iyo, nagkita pa tayo during lunch organized by, well, my dearest friends at kinilig na naman ako ng nilapitan mo ako ng makita mong mag-isa lang ako sa table natin sa Army Navy. Antakaw mo, sabi mo hindi ka kumakain ng gulay pero naubos mo yung burrito na order mo na ginaya mo lang kaya hindi mo alam na veggies ang laman nun. Hahaha. Magkatabi tayo ng upuan at magkadikit ang ating mga tuhod kaya ramdam ko ang bawat galaw ng paa mo. Badtrip ako sa mga malilikot ang mga paa pero para sa'yo, hinayaan kong magkadikit ang ating mga tuhod. Sayang lang at hindi ka nakasama sa DQ kahit halata na gusto mo dahil sa isa mong friend. Ewan ko ba, good hellos, epic happenings but sad endings ang takbo ng istorya natin.

Hindi ako assumero. Hindi ko talaga alam kung isa ka ba samin. Kung interesado ka ba sakin o sadyang isang mabuting kaibigan ka lang talaga pero sa habang tumatagal, nagiging matapang ako. Kaya ngayon, I'm doing things na hindi ko in-expect na gagawin ko. Ako na ang nag-i-initiate ng conversation ngayon. Mga walang kwentang bagay. Pero minsan nahahalata kong wala kang interest dahil sa hindi mo na pagrereply or matagal mong sagot. Pero I'll try pa din. Hanggang ngayon, kinikilig pa din ang mga friends ko and gumagawa talaga sila ng paraan para magkaron tayo ng communication pero hindi pa din ako aasa or mag-a-assume. Mahirap na. Masyado ng madami ang sakit na naranasan ko. Ayoko ng madagdagan pa. :-)

Again, ginamit ko ulit ang initials niya para sa title ng post na ito. Keep safe guys. Wish me luck sa work. Godbless. Mwah mwah. xoxo

Singe Forever

Madalas ini-imagine ko ang mga scenarios sa buhay ko kung meron akong boyfriend ngayon. And karamihan sa mga scenariong yun eh mga masasayang bagay. Mga nakakakilig na mga pangyayari. Kaya nga lalo akong nagiging hopeless romantic. Lol. Pero kapag nakakarinig ako ng mga love stories na humahantong sa sad ending, napapaisip ako kung kaya ko ba talagang mag-handle ng relationship lalo na't hindi pa masyadong tanggap here in the Philippines ang man-to-man na relasyon. Pero naiiisip ko, kung nagmamahalan naman talaga kame, why not diba. Kaso naman shet lang, walang lumalandi sakin, anong petsa na. I'm 21 na, single pa din. Feeling ko tuloy ang pangit pangit ko. Hahaha. Well actually, napatunayan ko nga na medyo tagilid yung face value ko dahil sa isang pangyayari sa life ko recently.

Me nag-pm sakin sa fb na cutie. Schoolmate ko siya dati sa university. Alam ko na gay siya. Pero pinapalabas niya na bi siya. Pero hindi ako naniniwala. LOL. So, nag-pm nga siya sakin. Hindi ako sanay na me nag-me-message sakin na ibang tao kase nga masungit talaga ang dating ko sa iba. Hindi ko sure kung nakikipag-flirt ba siya sakin. Basta ang alam ko, kinikilig ako that time kase me itsura talaga ang guy na to. Hindi kame magka-level. Hahaha. Hindi ko na idedetalye ang mga messages namin due to privacy. Charot! Wala lang talagag kwenta yung mga pinag-usapan namin. Lol. Kaya lang bigla na lang naputol ang communication namin after exchanging some messages. Inconsistent kase siya sa mga pinagsasasabi niya. Parang pinalabas pa niya na ako ang naghahabol sa kanya. The nerve ha. Kahit pangit ako, me pride pa din naman ako no tsaka hindi naman niya ka-level yung mga crush ko para habulin ko siya. Chos. Nag-bitter tuloy ako bigla. Hahaha. 

Anyway, ayun na nga. Bitter ang ending para sakin. Napaisip tuloy ako. Pano kaya kung kamukha ni fb guy ang magiging boyfriend ko, lugi kaya siya ng bongga sakin? That time, meron akong dalawang friend sa fb na sinurvey ko. Lol. And sadly, negative an nakuha kong sagot. Hahaha. Hindi ko naman masyadong dinibdib na hindi kame bagay ni fb guy. Nalungkot lang ako kase parang ambaba lang pala ng pwede kong ma-achieve kung magkakaron man ako ng lovelife. Kinuwento ko sa bestfriend ko yung nangyari and nabadtrip siya sakin kase bakit daw parang ang big deal big deal sakin ng fez value ng magiging boyfriend ko. Ano naman daw kung super gwapo ng magiging bf ko compared sa akin. Well, knowing myself, napakataas ng pride ko no. Ayaw ko naman na mag-mukahng katulong habang mgkasama kame. Alam ko ang sasabihin ng mga tao kase I'm one of the most laiteras sa mga kakilala ko and takot ako sa karma. Hahahaha.  

Right now, I have to change myself. I have to be a better person. Madalas pa din akong me kaaway dito sa bahay. I have to change for the better. Hindi na bumabata ang parents ko and ayokong magsisi sa huli. Naiisip ko, baka kaya gusto kong magka-bf eh dahil lang sa gusto ko ng experience ng pagiging in a relationship pero I'm picturing it as a ralationship na magkakaron din ng end. Sad no. Hindi ko din alam kung bakit ang nega ng tingin ko. Siguro nga, I'm meant to be single forever. Buti na lang napaghanadaan ko na yan. Kaya kung me dadating man, I'll charge it to experience na lang. Be thankful na lang for everything; for the family, friends and career. Nabasa ko nga sa PEx, bonus na lang kapag me dumating na magmamahal sayo forever. I'll look at it that way na lang. Para walang hassle sa buhay. Walang mabigat na nararamdaman para sa isang tao. Crushes lang keri na. Landi landi na lang. Mas masaya pa. Char!

Naloloka pala ko sa takbo ng career ko ngayon. Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko. Kwento ko sa next post ko. Sana malaman ko na ang plano nila sakin para maka-resbak na ko. Chos. Para malaman ko na din ang gagawin ko. :-) Happy 58th birthday nga pala sa pinkamamahal kong ina. Kahit na lagi tayong nag-a-away, I love you so much pa din. Sorry for all the bad things I've done to you and thank you very much for everything. Sana magkasama pa tayo kahit 30 years na lang. Hahaha. Keep safe guys. Godbless. :-) xoxo 

Glee Men

I forgot to say in this blog that I've been hooked in watching American series these past few months. Right now, I've seen five series namely The Walking Dead, Glee, Pretty Little Liars, Gossip Girl and lately, I'm watching Vampire Diaries. I know some of them are already old, I mean the series started several years ago, and I'm sorry if I'm already late for them. Hahaha. One of the major reasons why I'm watching them is, of course, the men in front of the camera. LOL. Can you blame me? I bet you can't. Refer to the pictures below for the reasons. Enjoy!

I'll start with the men of Glee.

Finn Hudson a.k.a. Cory Monteith - born on May 11, 1982. Raised by his mother, Cory had a drug addiction during his teenage years and went to rehab at 19. He has worked different jobs from Walmart people greeter(I'll include him in my shopping list if I can lol), taxi driver, school bus driver and roofer(wth??? ohhhh, it's the one who creates, arranges and finishes house roof. I thought it's one of the carpenter's job. Hahaha). He received his high school diploma in 2011. He's already 29 that time. He was casted as Finn in the audition where he drummed on Tupperware using pencils. Talented huh. He received numerous awards for this.

Noah Puckerman a.k.a. Mark Wayne Salling - aged 29 last August 17. Born in Dallas, Texas. He's younger than his other sibling. He was raised in a strict Christian home. I think it was hard for him to portray the character of Puck who is a devil in his looks with a heart of an angel. He was a member of his high school wrestling team. I'd like to see him in his uniform. LOL. He already released two albums which I'm not familiar to. LOL.

Mike Chang a.k.a. Harry Shum Jr. - born on April 28, 1982. Oh my, he's older than Finn. It doesn't show, in fairness to him. With his talent in dancing, he has appeared in dance films such as STomp the Yard, You Got Served, Step Up 2: The Streets and of course, Step Up 3D. He was also one of the lead dancers with stars such as Beyonce, Mariah Carey,  Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Lopez. He's really talented in dancing huh. 

Lastly, Chord Overstreet - Youngest and hottest of them all. Well, for me. Lol. He just turned 23 last February 17. I'm only 21. Still can be! LOL. He is of German, Irish, English, and "a little bit of Native American" descent. Overstreet began to pursue his passion of performing after his high school graduation in 2007.  After two unsuccessful years, Overstreet started his acting career on the web series Private, as Josh Hollis.[12] He was also featured in an episode of iCarly iSpeed Date (for a few minutes) and the unaired pilot of No Ordinary Family.

Source: Wikipedia

Even with my Dreams

I've dreamt of you twice, only for this week. I don't know if it's caused by my constant thoughts of you. Yes, I'm guilty as charged. I almost see you everyday. My day is literally not complete when I don't see you. Over-reacting I know but it has become my habit/daily routine to stare at you everytime you walk down your way to your seat. You're the cutest. As in. Both of my dreams with you state that we had connections. Thrilled with it, I almost cry whenever I wake up realizing that both were only just fantasies.

We were having a family dinner at a fancy restaurant when I saw you. My mom known your my mother for years. They were close friends.This was my first dream. The second one was better. I knew where you live. I saw you having lunch with your family. I knew your family business. Excitement was all over me. Of course, who would not be? I'll have a shot on you. Who knows what will happen? 

But both were just dreams and will only stay as both were unless I'll move. But how? Actually, I've been contemplating on this for a few days now. Some of my friends say that I should go for gold but others say that I must wait for the right time; that I should first know if he also, you know, likes guys. Haha! I settled for both. I'll wait for the right place and time. Maybe when I saw him at a mall, having coffee, alone. Maybe I'll have the strength and I'll give it a shot. I'm still thinking of a strategy when the opportunity comes. Wish me luck! :-)


Btw, here's a video of him I recorded while I'm sitting beside him weeks ago. Sorry for the pixelated frames due to my ancient phone. Lol. I don't know if it's prohibited or what. But if it is, I'll delete it asap. Haha. 

Bye guys! Keep safe! Godbless. Mwah. xoxo.

Bullied

I felt bullied last Friday. Nagkaron kame ng division lunch sa Vikings sa MOA. I'm so thrilled when I received the invite through e-mail. Naisip ko, sayang din ang free buffet lunch kung hindi ako sasama. Hahaha. Tsaka para na din makilala ko yung iba pang member ng division where I belong to. I didn't expect that my excitement will suddenly turn into disappointment.

Sabi na nga ba, hindi na dapat ako sumama sa lunch na yun. There's something inside me that hindered me to click the accept button in the invitation. Alam ko kase sa sarili ko that I hate crowds. Lalo na yung crowd na magkakakilala and you'll be left out of place kapag nakasama mo sila. Akala ko kakain lang. Akala ko, simpleng pagpapakilala lang. Akala ko, mabilisan lang. Akala ko walang mangyayaring hindi maganda. Akala ko lang pala yun.

Ok pa siya nung una eh. Masaya din ako sa biyahe papunta dun. Siksikan kame sa sasakyan ng team mate ko. Masaya, magulo. Then pagdating namin dun,  kain kain lang. Until dumating na yung time ng pagpapakilala. Hindi ko in-expect yun kaya medyo kinakabahan ako. Well, name lang naman yung sasabihin pero the fact na hindi ko masyadong hobby yung pakikisalamuha sa mga tao, medyo naging I'm not at ease. Alam niyo naman ako, madalas, sa girls lang nakikipag-friends. Ewan ko ba nahihirapan akong makipag-kaibigan sa guys. Ok naman yung mga nauna until napunta na sakin. Bago ako eh ilang girls yung nagpakilala. Karamihan sa crowd eh boys. Syempre, medyo me ilang lokohan kase magaganda yung girls namin . Like for example hindi nila narinig yung name nung girl kaya papaulit nila.  Then ako na nga. I really think I'm openly gay sa company namin but that doesn't mean na open na ako sa mga gay jokes kaya medyo na-offend ako sa ginawa nung isa sa mga divisionmate ko na lalaki. Bago pa ko nagsalita eh sumigaw na siya ng "Anu daw???". Na-offend ako ng bongga kase alam ko na niloloko ako. Hindi lang yun simpleng panloloko kase feel na feel ko na me kinalaman sa sexuality ko yung ginawa niya. Tapos nagtawanan pa silang lahat. Nabastos talaga ako. Dinaan ko na lang sa ngiti lahat pero sa loob loob ko, umiiyak na ko. Hindi ako sanay sa ganun. Sensitive din ako pagdating sa ganung bagay. Kaya ako naging aloof sa crowd lalo na sa mga lalaki eh dahil din sa mga tao mismo. 

Nalulungkot lang ako kase bakit kelangan pa niyang gawin yun? Nalulungkot lang ako kase bakit hindi na lang niya ko pinalampas. Napatunayan ko tuloy na hindi pa din "kame" tanggap sa lipunang 'to. Naiilang tuloy ako sa kanila. Naging sign na tuloy yun sakin na aalis na ko dun right after matapos yung bond ko. Pero naisip ko, makakahanap kaya ako ng company na walang ganung mangyayari? Alam kong medyo malabo pero umaasa pa din ako. Hindi ko alam kung pagtakas ba yung gagawin ko pero nalulungkot lang talaga ko. Naiisip ko tuloy kung pinagtatawanan ba nila ko behind my back. Sensitive and pessimistic pa naman ako. I feel so small tuloy. 

Iniyak ko na lang siya sa cube ko. Buti na lang andyan yung mga team mate kong girls kaya medyo gumaan yung loob ko nung binigyan nila ko ng advise. Isa lang ang wish when it comes to this matter, sana lang pare-pareho kaming magbago... for good.

Keep safe guys. Godbless. Mwah.